one random day a few years ago, while scrolling through instagram, i saw a quote that took me back a decade in time in a flash. it said “expectation is the root of all heartache” which apparently was said by shakespeare.
I suddenly remembered a 14 year old Ravisha, scrolling through tumblr, to find aesthetic looking quotes to post on other social media platforms.
I was such a loser. *feels disgusted by self*
I remember reading it as a young teenager and feeling like “hmm, that makes total sense. you dont expect anything from anyone and people will never disappoint. great. lesson learned. wont get hurt now.”
I remember trying to implement this in my life, in the most factitious way possible - pretending to be this person who doesnt get hurt, because she sees the worse in people, people always disappoint. Gosh, I was such a wannabe anguished teen, ew eww, someone who life has really turned hard with all the struggles I faced, lol. I was only pretending, trying to mold myself into this person, because that's what was cool, a "strong" person who doesn’t show emotion as compared to someone who deeply cares and gets hurt and cries all the time and expects good and kindness from people (which is definitely me currently except I'm still not blindly optimistic about humanity)
As Timothee Chalamet (that beautiful, brilliant peach of a human) once mentioned in his interviews - when you’re young you try out different versions of yourselves like outfits. You try on something for a while, see if it fits, maybe you realize it’s not you and try on the next thing. I feel like I did that for a while, trying to figure out who I am, trying on these different roles - but without any actual self-reflection.
EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHE.
this phrase has changed multiple meanings over the course of the short journey from my early teen years to my early twenties. the day I saw this on instagram, I realized that the meaning of the phrase has remained the same but my comprehension of it and perspective had changed. years later, I saw this to mean selflessness or more precisely the absence of egocentrism. looking at the world and others in it after removing this self-absorbed filter that we all are born with. to not expect someone to be a certain way because it suited your narrative of life. to not expect someone to love you the way you think love should be expressed. to not expect someone to do something because you believe it is the right thing to do or suits your idea of morality. essentially, I learned to acknowledge that everyone else is as complex as I am, with their own stories that form their narrative of what life means. expecting them to suddenly understand life from my perspective would only lead to heartbreak.
I often use analogies to understand things better, so I try to make sense of this using the very popular "main character" trope that has become a trend in recent times. yes, we are all main characters in our own movies - because that's who we spend most of the time focusing on within the movie of our lives.
to think of a Ghibli character suddenly entering a Tarantino movie and trying to behave according to the rules that set up the moods and settings of that movie seems bizarre and almost hilarious (honestly, try to imagine KiKi in Kill Bill). And getting upset for the character to drop their own universe and try to fill up a space in something so different seems stupid and unnecessary.
EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHE.
lately, this phrase has resurfaced in my mind from the depths of my memory, and I unravel yet another layer of its meaning. (Shakespeare was definitely a genius) I have begun to ponder the expectations I have for myself in this lifetime. setting aside societal or familial expectations, there are certain things we expect from ourselves, whether or not they result from these social narratives is another philosophical and psychological discussion. recently, I have been pursuing an understanding of these expectations, their roots and histories, their relevance, and their role in shaping my future. I hope to find a way to understand my expectations so that they do not lead to heartbreak for myself.